Yes Yes Yes it’s my Autumn almanac, a pithy reference to a song by the Kinks, from the olden days, when I was young, the days when an exit strategy was known as a clearance kick.

This weeks article was supposed to contain an interview with Nigel Owens, but just as the interview was about to commence, he was whisked off to Dublin to provide emergency assistant referee cover at Ireland v Australia, so here is a agentle Monday night stroll through a few memorable, and in some cases forgettable moments of the last month.

As another autumn series enters its final week, here are my awards to a few of November’s winners and losers.

THE WIN OF THE MONTH

On the banks of the Arno, a Florentine delight and Italian renaissance that will forever be cherished.

At Stadio Artemio Franchi, 21,700 witnessed Italy defeat South Africa, a day that will go down in Italian rugby history.

Forget Michelangelo’s David, Parisse’s Azzuri were a true masterpiece.

THE MOST WONDERFUL MOMENT OF THE MONTH

Soldier Field, Chicago was the setting for possibly one of the most wonderful moments in rugby, as the much discussed Haka was overshadowed by a moving, dignified and understated heart-felt tribute to Anthony Foley, as Ireland formed a figure of eight in tribute, a moment that warmed even the coldest heart.

As if that wasn’t enough, the men in green went on to smash the All Blacks 40-29

THE MOST INEPT AND DISAPOINTING PERFORMANCE OF THE MONTH

The biggest home attendance in Wales autumn series, 73,969, witnessed kamikaze rugby from the home team, as Japan gave them a lesson in back play, rugby hari kari was saved by a last second drop goal from replacement Sam Davies, as Wales rising sun almost sank without trace.

Wales 33 Japan 30  

THE REFEREE OF THE MONTH

Alhambra Nievas, had a November she will never forget.

The first woman official at a men’s tier two international, (USA v Tonga), World Rugby Referee Award winner, more air miles than Richard Branson, and to top it all a great friend, who also turns up on time for interviews.

There could only be one winner, the globe trotting whistle blower from Malaga.

THE BEST FINISH OF THE MONTH

Tevita Kuridrani for Australia against France, squeezing into a corner of the Stade de France in a manner that defied the laws of gravity and physics

THE TRY OF THE MONTH

Santiago Cordero for Argentina against England , a wonderful passage of play that showcased the Pumas at their very best.

The move started just outside their own twenty-two Cordero,  Isa, Estelles, De la Fuentes and Cubelli all linked before Cordero finished off the move he started

When I interviewed Alhambra Nievas two weeks ago, she was in a relaxed mood and great company, as we discussed her rugby life to date.

Forty eight hours later, she received the World Rugby Referees Award for 2016, at a glittering ceremony in London, since then, it is fair to say her havaianas haven’t touched the ground.

“Marmot” has had to endure a siesta drought in order to get through the amazing days following the awards, as television, radio, online and governmental recognition continue to come thick and fast.

Alhambra does not seek the limelight, but talking to her I sense that she feels a responsibility to use her profile, to promote and extol the virtues of women’s rugby, and as someone who gives up her own time so generously, and so graciously, she has certainly achieved that.

The outpouring of genuine and heartfelt happiness, and the tidal wave of congratulations that are still pouring in, speak volumes for how she is regarded both as a person and as a referee.

If Alhambra was nominated for the Nobel peace prize at the moment, I reckon she would win it .

Lately she is spending more time in airport terminals than Tom Hanks, and our paths crossed, at the Pumas team hotel, on the eve of her latest assignment, refereeing England women v Canada at Twickenham.

Even after her Twickenham assignment , there was no time for the luxury of relaxation and recovery  for Alhambra, as the day after the game she boarded an early morning flight to Dubai, for the first leg of the women’s world sevens series, her hectic schedule is certainly showing no sign of easing.

After Dubai there are assignments in Australia, Japan and Canada, interspersed with XVs matches in Spain, plus an inevitable call up for  RBS 6 Nations duty, once the refereeing appointments have been announced.

Fame hasn’t changed her, and I’m sure it never will, her love of rugby is her motivation, her joy, and her passion, and not the awards and personal recognition.

There is of course wonderful by-product to all her popularity and  success, and that is the fantastic example and role model she has become to other girls and women, who are either involved in rugby, or thinking of doing so.

I know she is looking forward to spending Christmas, in Spain, with her family, where hopefully she can unwind, recharge and catch up on all those missing siestas, maybe even sit down for an afternoon, put her feet up and watch a relaxing film, let’s just hope it’s not that one starring Tom Hanks.

It has been quite a week for Alhambra Nievas, on Wednesday night at Twickenham Stoop she swapped the warmth of her home in Andalusia, for a cold wet autumn night in south-west London to referee England women against France, at Twickenham Stoop, a match won by the home side 10-5.

Then last night to finish the weekend in style, she deservedly won the 2016 World Rugby referee award, along with Rasta Rasivhenge, at a glittering ceremony in the London Metropole Hotel.

Being a referee in the modern game is not for the faint hearted but the young lady from Granada doesn’t do “faint hearted”

Eleven years as a professional rugby player in Spain, including three seasons in the Spanish national team, “Las Leonas”, has given her the experience, and players perspective,that has been a crucial ingredient in making her such a popular, and well respected official.

A back row forward who faced down Maggie Alphonsi whilst playing for Spain against England is not likely to be phased by too much in the rugby field.

“I got more enjoyment from a tackle than from scoring a try ” she told me, now there speaks a true back row forward.

Her CV is impressive to say the least, as must be her air miles total,  having officiated in the 6 nations, the women’s rugby World Cup, and the Olympic Games in Rio.

Alhambra has circumnavigated the globe refereeing in the world sevens series, and there is no sign of any easing off with San Sebastián, London and Dubai tapped into her refereeing  satnav during the coming weeks.

Being  appointed assistant referee for USA v Tonga, in San Sebastián on November 19, creates yet another ground breaking statistic, as she becomes the first ever female match official at a tier two international match.

I caught up with Alhambra over a coffee last week, during a whistle-stop tour during which she will cover just over 4000 miles before she returns to Twickenham on November 26 to referee England v Canada.

I encountered a delightfully modest and down to earth young woman, whose  love of rugby and the values it represents came shining through during our chat.

She spoke of the camaraderie that exists between all the top women officials, where no one  puts individual ambition above the team ethic.

The road to the top started, aged 19, at Malaga university, taking up rugby, where she was put on the wing, before being told to go into the back row as the team were a forward short.

Her refereeing journey started some time later when she was asked to make up the numbers refereeing at a children’s rugby tournament.

“I had no aspirations to be a referee, I was quite happy playing and refereeing kids tournaments” Alhambra told me.

But her talents were recognised and eventually a choice had to made between playing and officiating, the rest as they say is history.

Nicknamed “Marmot” by her whistle blowing colleagues, due to her legendary abilities in the siesta stakes, she is certainly wide awake come kick off time.

Off the field she enjoys the cinema and spending any little free time she has with her family in their small village in Granada, oh and she is partial to ice cream and the occasional burger.

Other sports she enjoys include basketball and tennis, a big Rafa Nadal fan and a great admirer of Spanish swimming star Mireia Belmonte.

With people like Alhambra Nievas Gonzalez involved in the game it ensures rugby and its intrinsic values are in safe hands.

She was named after the beautiful palace in Andalusia, and it’s literal meaning is “the red one” well let’s hope that has no bearing on the colour of the card she produces during the coming weeks and months .

Vamos Alhambra !

A beautiful autumn day in Cardiff provided an azure blue sky, an open roof and brilliant sunshine.

The seagulls basked on the riverbank as boats pottered up and down the flat calm river taff and all was right with the world.

Inside the Principality stadium however the climate was a totally different one, it became gloomy and it rained, it rained tries for Australia,and it cascaded errors and uncertainty for Wales.

Australia poured through a leaky Welsh defence once reknowned  for its watertight qualities, but which, on Saturday afternoon had more holes than a second hand dart board.

In an analysis of what went wrong for Wales the detailed answer is pretty much everything 

For Wales, the prospect of an eagerly anticipated victory over Australia,was replaced with the harsh reality that they were nowhere near good enough.

“Wales are notorious slow starters in the Autumn” has now overtaken  “You never know which French team will turn up”as the most annoying rugby cliche, sadly these days we now know exactly which French team will turn up, and the slow starts of Wales have now become a chronic inertia. 

The rain turned to ice, as Bernard Foley, known to his team mates as “Ice Man” orchestrated matters seemingly untouched, Wales, no doubt fearing the cold, decided to keep their distance and give him the freedom of Cardiff, allowing the brilliant Waratahs fly half to parade his talents free from any kind of pressure.

It was the Wallabies 600th test match, and on November 5th the fireworks were provided by the men in green and gold, all the men in red could bring to the party was  a huge damp squib.

So to the long range forecast, a deep depression is likely to sit over Wales for the foreseeable future, and with the Pumas arriving , we move from marsupials to big cats.

 There will be no room for tame pussy cats at the Principality stadium next Saturday.

COMING UP THIS WEEKEND

AUSSIE AMBUSH

Murrayfield will be packed with bitter Scots looking for some closure and a smattering of revenge after being robbed of victory against Australia in last years World Cup quarter final 

It should be a fascinating encounter and if the Scots have their way the Wallabies could well be heading home, via Paris, to think again.

TOULOUSE TERROIR  

On Saturday, France face Samoa in Toulouse where the pitch infesting fungus will be the real winner and undoubtedly get the better of both sides

Toulouse stadium has a dreadful playing surface that has been beset with problems let’s hope that there aren’t too many scrums.

ROMAN RUINS

The weekends most daunting task must surely go to the Azzuri who face New Zealand in Rome. 

An All Black side,outplayed by Ireland at the weekend, will be looking to take out their frustrations on the home team.

An unenviable  Italian job where the home side once again will be relying heavily on Sergio Parisse to blow the doors off the All Black machine.

It’s going to be a long and stressful afternoon for the scoreboard operator at the stadio olympico.

BOKSING DAY

At Twickenham a Springbok team low on confidence and belief,not eased by a 31-31 draw with the Barbarians, will surely find an England team with an abundance of both qualities, too hot to handle.

MADRID MATCH UP

Heading further south Spain face Tonga in Madrid, a great test for Spain one of the up and coming teams of Europe.

The full list of international fixtures this weekend 

At three o’clock on 31 May 1995, at Free State stadium, Bloomfontein, Japan faced Ireland in a rugby World Cup Pool C match.

As the match kicked off in front of 15,000 spectators, Japan fly half Sejii Hirao was about to play his thirty fifth and final international match for Japan.

Born in Kyoto on 21 January 1963, Hirao went on to play in three rugby world cups, his first as a nineteen year old in 1987, as Japanese captain in 1991, and finally in South Africa 1995.

Sadly Sejii Hirao passed away last Thursday, at the ridiculously young age of 53, in hospital where he was being treated for an undisclosed illness.

One of the most popular Japanese players of all time, he was known in Japan as “Mr Rugby”

After graduating from university in Japan he spent 1985 in England where he played for Richmond, following his joyous sojourn in Surrey he returned home and became Japan national coach from 1997 to 2000.

 An esteemed member of the world rugby hall of fame, he was looking  forward to his country hosting the next rugby World Cup, in 2019, with a mixture of intense pride and excitement.

As for that rugby World Cup match in 1995 at Bloomfontein, Sejii Hirao scored a try after fifty nine minutes, a match which Ireland went on to win 50-28

A replacement came on for Ireland that day, ten minutes after kick off, when  Eddie Halvey retired inured, the replacements name ? ….. Anthony Foley.

So it was a weekend of minutes silences and applause for rugby men taken from us, for anniversaries of never forgotten children, and teachers, which served to emphasise the glorious irrelevance of sport, and as we all stand together at our fields of dreams in times of sadness and sombre reflection, we find that sport is also a great comforter.

Normal humerous service will be resumed next Monday.

Luckily there is no Article 50 or Brexit to worry about in European rugby, so as Autumn prepares to hand over to winter, domestic rugby spreads its wings and its that time of the year when It’s a knock out becomes jeux sans frontiers.

Yes the European Champions and Challenge cups are back underway.

Pascal Pape’s Pedestrian Parisians

It all kicked off last Thursday night when the pink shirted Parisians of Stade Francais visited Twickenham stoop.

A well deserved win for Harlequins,  but I don’t know which was more the shocking, Stade’s performance, or lack of it, or their pink dayglow bench coats.

If only they had matched the commitment and urgency I had shown to get to the buffet, in the media room, they might have made the match some sort of contest.

Quins took their chances with aplomb, to gain a bonus point victory over the pedestrian Parisians.

Zebre Suffer Major Wasps Sting

Zebre, an endangered species, almost became extinct after being so badly stung at Wasps.

This was one of the worst mismatches since the first episode of “Take me out” as Wasps with 70% territory and 63% possession scored a point a minute in their 82-14 win.

On the subject of endangered species, Leicester Tigers were given a severe mauling by Glasgow Warriors on Friday night at Scotstoun, the pitch may have been artificial but the 42-13 win was the genuine article.

Scarlets See Off Toothless Sharks

Calm waters at Parc y Scarlets, and no sign of any dangerous Shark attacks as the star-studded west Wales back line got their jaws into an inexperienced outfit.

A great win but will they be out of their depth when they visit Saracens next weekend ?

Bordeaux’s Grand Crew

The red hand of Ulster visited the red vineyards of Bordeaux and whilst the match wasn’t a vintage they showed plenty of bottle soaking up wave after wave of the homeside’s heavy artillery, until ten minutes from time when Bordeaux finally uncorked to score three tries in quick succession.

Regional Delight

Together with  Scarlets win in the Champions cup,the other three Welsh regions, in the challenge cup, had bonus point wins on Friday night with Opsreys thrashing fellow avians Newcastle Falcons 45-0, and Newport Gwent Dragons scorching Brive 37-16 at Rodney parade.

Severn bridge toll booths also had a productive and lucrative Friday night as Cardiff Blues fans returned from Bristol with a 33-20 win.

Saracen Invaders

Reigning champions Saracens headed to the warmth of Toulon, where they obliterated the home team in a first half performance that was close to sheer perfection.

The win was achieved despite being reduced to fourteen men, for a quarter of the game, due to two yellow cards.

Saracens victory surely cements their place as tournament favourites , and by that I mean faourites for any tournament they choose to participate in.

Sadly the weekends rugby was overshadowed by the sudden death of Munster coach Anthony Foley, in the team hotel in Paris on Saturday night.

Sunday’s match between Racing 92 and Munster was called off.

In case you missed any of the results here is a full summary of Round 1 of both competitions.
Challenge Cup

Champions Cup 

To attend an Argentina home rugby international is something very special, so this year I decided to do just that.

Pre match nutrition cannot be taken lightly so a juicy steak, and a glass of Malbec were the order of the day, sadly it had to be  consumed in Richmond rather than Rosario.

Argentina decided to play their final home rugby championship match against Australia at Twickenham on an English October autumnal evening.

So my steamy night in Buenos Aires, was replaced with a stroll across the A316, and the only tango I witnessed was in a ring pull can, at the pulled pork stand, near the west car park.

48,515 fans turned up, many didn’t know their boleros from their caballeros but were looking for a Saturday night seduction, from a team that plays with an old-fashioned joy and simplicity that warms your heart, much like that rich Malbec consumed before kick off.

Augustin Creevy exchanging the plains of the pampas for the lush green cabbage patch roamed the playing field like a mad bull who had gone woefully short on grazing, hitting the rucks and mauls ferociously  with his ample frame.

The Wallabies were intent on something more upbeat than a tango, their claim to be kings of swing seemed more than justified with at least ten high tackles in a first half, that saw two yellow cards for the flayling Australians 

Argentina couldn’t get into their rhythm, a catalogue of  injuries meant they were missing their majestic back line virtuosos, and stand in fly half Santiago  Iglesious appeared to have all the wrong moves with two left feet causing simple penalty kicks to go astray in a miserable first half, his namesake Julio couldn’t have kicked much worse.

Argentina found their dancing shoes immediately after the restart, hitting the right tempo and for a short while the audacious off loads came off.

The Pumas clawed back the Australian lead but ultimately fell short whilst chasing the game during the final minutes.

So the warm passionate Tango we hoped would enthrall and captivate us sadly turned into a more basic and run of the mill foxtrot.

As we headed into the cool still night air and traversed the A316, it was a waltzing Matilda that rang in our ears, it will all be different next year in Buenos Aires.

Red Roses

An almost seamless link from the Tango to the rose, well actually a whole bunch of them.

Last Wednesday at Twickenham, the RFU put its weight, financial backing and commitment firmly behind England’s women, not only that, but also revealed an exciting new identity for the team which will inspire fans sponsors and players alike, The Red Roses were launched, appropriately in the Rose Room at HQ.

Ian Ritchie, head honcho at the RFU said

 “ Today England rugby has demonstrated its commitment to the women’s game, we wanted to create an identity for England women that would inspire more people to get involved whether playing or supporting the women’s game “

In 2014 the RFU set a target to get 25,000 women participating by 2017, 26,000 women and girls are now playing regularly playing contact rugby, so the target has not only been exceeded, but it has has also been achieved a year ahead of schedule.

The first ever sponsored women’s series will take place this Autumn with the Old Mutual Wealth series, and the Red Roses will wear the first women’s custom kit made by Canterbury for the 2016/17 season.

England are determined to retain the Rugby Workd Cup in Ireland next year and it looks like every available resource is being put at their disposal to achieve this goal.
 

The Cure For Insomnia Gloucester v Bath

I am now at an age where quality sleep is difficult to obtain, long dark nights are interspersed with fitful sleep, constant glances at the luminous  clock to watch the hours tick slowly by towards daylight.

Gloucester v Bath on Saturday proved to be the answer to my prayers, as an endless first half descended into an exhibition of muddy error strewn rugby, my eyelids fell and I drifted into a lengthy deep blissful sleep.

Not the greatest compliment an Aviva Premership West Country Derby would wish to  receive, but a very grateful one from me none the less.

Wallabies Fail To Remove Stubborn Steyn

Having been reported missing at welford road last year, I am pleased to be able to inform readers that Morne Steyn was found alive and well at Loftus Versfeld last Saturday afternoon.

His 18 points (4 penalties and 2 drop goals) gave South Africa a much needed victory over Australia by 18 points to 10.

Australia scored the only try of the game through prop Scott Sio, but Steyn’s boot proved to be the crucial factor in the Boks win.

Vern Cotter’s Euro Millions

The gulf between the haves and have-nots in professional rugby was vividly highlighted this week when news emerged that Scotland coach Vern Cotter will take charge of Montpellier next summer.

The deal makes him the first club coach to earn over one million euros per annum.

Montpellier’s billionaire owner Mohed Altrad is behind the deal that will see Cotter earn more than £2.5 million over three years.

AA Meeting At Twickenham On Saturday

Next Saturday why not join me at an AA meeting !

This one will involve the odd drink or two, as the AA in question refers to Argentina and Australia, who meet at Twickenham , kick off 7.30pm, in the final match of the 2016 rugby championship.

Tickets still available via Ticketmaster.

Do not miss next Monday’s SportsDragons Roar “Last Tango In Twickenham ”

Hasta pronto amigos !

Just The Ticket

Top tickets for Wales v England in next years RBS 6 Nations will be priced at £100

There is no getting away from the fact that at fifty eight years of age, and a budding Victor Meldrew, I am riled by pretty much any price rise, but the news that to watch a Wales match, in Cardiff, could cost as much as my first car makes me very relieved that I am on medication to control my blood pressure.

In 1974 as an acne ridden teenager I attended my first England v Wales match, at Twickenham, the ticket cost the princely sum of 65p.

France’s home international tickets start at 15 euros, which is probably the best value for money to be had anywhere, I know people who are watching the All Blacks and Australia at the Stade de France this Autumn for a total sum of under thirty quid.

As a youngster a ticket for a rugby international was always affordable, just very difficult to get hold of, I hope we are not going to make international rugby an elitist event.

Love At First Bite

Enough has been written about Chris Ashton this week so I will not bore you any further on that score, but it served to remind me of a biting incident that took place in 2015 that went without sanction.

Italian prop Martin Castrogiovanni was forced  to miss the Scotland v Italy six nations match last year, after being bitten by a friends dog.

Castro was bitten on the nose resulting in an injury that required fourteen stitches.

I’m not sure as to the colour of the dog but my guess is that it was black, as the four legged assailant was neither cited nor cautioned after the incident.

Super Maro

Maro Itoji woke up yesterday morning with a very unusual taste in his mouth, it was something his pallet had not experienced for a very long time, the taste of defeat.

Saracens defeat at Harlequins brought to an end the young man’s remarkable run of 31 wins in 31 starts for club and country.

Maybe this is the week  for unbeaten runs to be broken, in which case it’s over to you Los Pumas….. Vamos !

Jean Pierre Rives was dabbling in French sporting philosophy before Eric Cantona’s trawlers had located their first seagull.

There was a time when this man strode the world rugby stage, invariably in blood stained jersey his blond mane flowing like a Viking warrior in battle.

These days the hair is still blonde, the face and waistline are a little fuller but there is no mistaking the French  rugby legend that is Jean Pierre Rives.

He now works in a disused railway shed to the north of Paris, the creative home of Rives the sculpture and painter.

His works have been exhibited in Paris, Toulouse, Los Angeles and Singapore. 

“ My success is that I am happy doing it, my ambition is just to go on”

Jean Pierre emphasises that art and rugby are one, he talks about the spiritual concept of the team, the glory, the bravery, the sacrifice that the team ethos inspires you to fulfil.

Born in Toulouse on New Year’s Eve 1952, he won his first cap against England, at Twickenham, on 1 February 1975.

At 5ft 10 and weighing 13st 5lbs he was diminutive in comparison to other flankers of the day, but he had an energy and a commitment that more than made up for any antatomical short comings .

He went on to win 59 caps and captained France a record 34 times, his final appearance took place at Murrayfield on 17 March 1984 when Scotland defeated France 21-12. 

Rarely seen at rugby matches these days, Rives does not appear to have any yearning for the old life, or to marvel at a collection of rugby honours and mementos that his magnificent career enabled him to accumulate.

“ Because I am not an African hunter, I do not hunt trophies , I don’t want my house to look like a rugby museum, somI give away most things to my friends, jerseys and things like that”.

” That is better because I Know they are happy with such things, happier than me, that is for certain”.

I will end with a somewhat prophetic piece of Rives wisdom, which was aimed at Southern Hemisphere players but now has a global resonance

” I wonder if even having muscle bound cheeks is such a good idea, how can you pass the ball if you are unable to smile “